dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
