Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
