My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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