Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize