I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
