I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
