he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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