It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
