Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
