its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
