He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
