so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
