Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish I could teleport
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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