And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm both gender and math confused
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
