I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
