you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
