Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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