Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its not stalking. its research.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
