do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
