soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
