mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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