You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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