I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
