While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
