erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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