Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
