I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize