i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
