I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
