i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
