i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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