dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
