Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
