Yo dont text me then not text me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
