Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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