Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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