I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
