I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
