I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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