I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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