That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize