remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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