i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
