I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
A+ Viking dick
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