i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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