About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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