I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got inside last night via doggy door
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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