Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
