My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
