one two three fourrrrnication!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
