who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
