Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
