i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
