Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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