K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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