This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
