I have demons in me.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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