So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have demons in me.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
