I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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