Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
