i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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