It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
