I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
