i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
