I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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