I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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