So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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