I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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