you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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